Seeing family makes time realistic. It puts into perspective the change, and the rapidity of life. It is hard, and lovely - all at the same time.
Spending three days with my cousins in Amsterdam was one of the most amusing and incredible experiences, however my favorite part of the trip was being able to show my family "my country" here in Belgium. I was shocked at the beginning when my cousin gave me a hug - I didn't know what to do! After 10 months of bisous (cheek kisses), I had forgotten that Americans hug after not seeing each other for awhile... Needless to say, hugs were rather awkward and weird at the beginning, but I readapted haha! It was also really odd saying goodbye... It became an overwhelming reality that I have 34 days left before I am emersed into a society that I don't know anymore.
I've tried to find the words to explain my exchange for a while now, but have been unsuccessful. How can somebody explain a whole year of learning and living life, in words? No matter what the language is, I don't know if it's possible. There are no words to describe my year. Difficult, fantastic, adventurous, overwhelming, lovely, eye-opening, confrontational, and incredible are just a few words that only begin to describe the feelings that have been felt and the life that has been lived on this journey. But what even makes this year different than a normal year? The fact that I became fluent in a foreign language? Or that I now have a family of exchange students on every continent of the world? Isn't that possible back in the U.S.? Yes. Of course it is. I didn't have to come on exchange to meet people from around the world, grow a family in Belgium, or learn a different language. But I did have to come here to have experienced the pain and happiness that comes from that accomplishment. People have this idea that exchange is easy, like a walk in the park. Yet those people have never lived through the lonely nights of not speaking or understanding any language, and the anguish of not knowing who you are for months on end. They've never felt the happiness that comes from finally being able to be a part of a group conversation in a different language or accurately communicating tore than just "I would like", or "I'm tired". It's the feeling of accomplishment. It's the feeling of pursuit. It's the feeling of grace. I've learned the feeling of regret and loss, and I've learned the meaning of family.
As I've lived my life for a year abroad, I have found my faith tested beyond what it's been tested before. I've walked on the waters like Peter, doubting that Jesus would keep me afloat, and fallen under the waves multiple times. However I have found that Jesus is much more substantial than I ever could've imagined before. There are many days of silence and loneliness, however I've seen the Lords faithfulness more than ever. I have learned that it's not always best to listen to your heart because listening to your heart means listening to sin. Keeping faith is one of the biggest struggles of exchange, but I have found that it is worth the fight. I'm excited to see where the Lord takes me on our next adventure together and who He brings into my path next.
As July 20th approaches, I begin to appreciate the little things more often. Picking cherries with my host family, listening to my host brother sing and dance to every song known to man, walking to the waffle shop after eating pitas every Wednesday, sitting through class with my Belgian friends, learning how to cook from my host mom, taking the train one hour to the capital of Europe, learning words in every language from my multicultural family, and Thursday night meetings with Rotary are going to be just a few of the things that I will miss the most... I have begun to wonder; how will I be able to go back to the way things were before? The answer is, I won't.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to have grown and learned more in a year than I could've in four years at college. I love every tear shed out of frustration or exhaustion. I learned so much at every lunch I had during school, some silent and some full of laughter. I'm thankful for the ability to express myself in multiple languages. For the moments of peace with my family after dinner. For the shock that crosses my Belgian friends face as I speak quickly in English, even though they speak that fast with me in French. I couldn't imagine my life now had I not come to Belgium, and every person I have run across on my exchange has made a difference.
Alors pour vous qui lissez en français, je suppose que vous êtes mes amis belges. Je veux dire encore merci pour tous que vous avez fait pour moi. Vous avez eu une grande impact sur moi, et je vous aime.
You build a life for 18 years and you leave it for 11 months. You build a life for 11 months and you leave it forever. Which one is harder?
