Railways, pizzas, and trains :)

For those of you that don't already know, Europe is known for their railways. You can easily transport to cities all around Europe for a relatively cheap price. Saturday, a group of my friends and I went to Brussels for the day. We saw a market with handmade items, ate at a pizza place (I'm convinced it's the best in the world), shopped around a little, walked for hours, almost missed our train, and made a new friend on the ride home. 

After merging with another group of exchange students, we ended up at a pizza place called Pizzeria Pronto. The pizza was impeccable, to say the least, and I'm convinced it came straight from Italy. Anywhere you find exchange students and food, you will find a camera ready to take a picture of the food. 

Everybody knows that when you're taking public transportation you're supposed to check the time and place multiple times, but no matter how many times you check there's always the possibility of the time or place of departure changing in an instant. As we were standing on platform 1 waiting for our train back to Liege, we see a train on platform 3 pull up with the name of our destination. I said, "are we runnin'?" And we took off. We ran up the stairs, through the train station, down he stairs, and jumped through one of the open doors right before they closed. All 4 of us collapsed on the floor in laughter and sighed with relief. :) as we were sitting there, speaking in English, I noticed a woman that was listening into our conversation. Everybody looks and stares when they hear a different language from a group of foreigners, but this was different. She understood the majority of what we were saying. After awhile of watching her and making eye contact, I complemented her bracelets - and the conversation started. We spoke in Franglish, because our French still isn't amazing and she wanted to speak in English. Being able to make a friend with the person sitting next to you reminded me so muh of Texas and how you could sit down for dinner at a place and be strangers at first, and friends after. She asked us questions about Rotary and what brought us to Belgium, we asked her questions about herself, and a few other people joined the conversation at some points too. Throughout the day, we had met people with kind hearts and a willing mind, and it was so incredible to see the fruit that comes from trying. I'm so thankful for little opportunities to meet people here, and to know that I might be able to make a slight impact on people exactly like our new friend. If one person can brighten my day like that, what will I experience after a whole year? To say I'm excited would be an understatement. :) 

Our new friend :)

Coffe Shop Thoughts

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in the middle of Liège as I write this. My heart is happy, filled with joy, and overflowing with emotion. The past week has been one of severe struggle and discouragement, so being able to sit in a coffee shop alone with my Bible and coffee makes my soul happy and makes me feel a little bit of home.

The past week has been one of the hardest weeks to understand and stay motivated. Last Thursday and Friday, I couldn't understand anything - no matter how hard I tried. I was getting enough sleep, I had been studying and improving everyday before that, and I was motivated. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried, it was impossible to understand. I would have to ask my friends to repeat simple things that I already knew two or three times, just because my brain couldn't comprehend. It was so discouraging for me to know that I should be able to understand what was being said, but I simply couldn't. It wasn't homesickness, it wasn't exhaustion, it just didn't click. Part of what confused me so much was that I had started the week out so well and understood so much!

Not being able to understand things can be a blessing sometimes too. I'd be sitting in class, feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, and a bird would land on a branch outside the window and start singing. It blew me away how God sends little blessings like that, and I get overwhelmed with how good He is in those stressful moments where I feel so alone and hopeless. Granted, I couldn't understand any better after the bird had flown away and I'd refocused, but it was that little encouragement that I needed to keep going and trying.

One of my favorite things about Belgium is the family. My host family eats with their family at least once a week, and it's so refreshing for me to see that.

Rotary went to the Citadelle a couple of weeks ago, and I was blown away by my beautiful host country yet again. Candles lined the streets and led up to the staircase. If I understood correctly, the staircase leads to the highest point in Liege. With 374 steps, it's a hefty walk to the top that requires a lot of motivation and leg strength. As we walked around, I was in awe of how much culture I saw there. They had booths set up on each side of the street, with so many different options to eat and drink. We took a tour with Rotary, and afterwards I went with my second host family to explore some more. After Chelsea and I had split off from our host family, we called my friends from church to meet up with them... however, we were nowhere near where they were. So we stopped at the Quick (it's like Burger King or McDonald's), got a bottle of water, asked for directions, and started our journey to find the park we were meeting them at. The instructions on how to get there were... splotchy. We got completely lost, and we were starting to get worried because both of our phones were almost dead (9% battery). We were walking down the street, and I started praying out loud. To say that God answered that prayer would be a understatement because He provided a miracle. The fireworks started, we still weren't with my church friends, and in a country where we'd been for a month and a half we found people we knew. Out of thousands of people, we found the Scouts. We were both blown away, to say the least, and all I could do was point and stare with my mouth open when we saw them. These are the things that make me fall more in love with this place.

On Saturday, I went to a city called Namur with Rotary and the fair with some of my friends from school. Namur was so cool, and I was surprised at how much fun it was! If you're ever around a group of exchange students - on a train, in a meeting with parliament, in a store - you'll probably hear our chant. Sometimes the timing isn't impeccable, but sometimes it is so fun to unite as one. It's something that's indescribable. Students from all over the world sing one song for all to hear. Granted, the things that the song says (in Portuguese and Spanish) are not very good things, but I can't help thinking that one day God will call the nations together with one voice like that.

One thing I didn't realize would be a struggle is the loss of identity from not speaking the language around you. When you're away from everything that's kept you accountable, everything that you loved, and everything that you've ever known, it is so easy to feel like you've lost your identity. To feel like you don't belong. To feel unwanted and like a burden. To feel hopeless. To feel alone. Even with the exchange students around, the people that are going through the same stuff, it's so easy to feel alone. It sounds so cliché, but people honestly don't understand what it's like to not have a language, identity, or independence. In Texas, I was so independent. I was able to take care of myself and get around without people helping me. But here, that's not the case. I hate feeling like a burden to people, and I hate feeling like there's nothing I can do to help or make it better. But that is my life right now, and everyday I have to make myself accept that. God is teaching me to be gracious with myself. 5 minutes at a time. One day, I will be able to speak confidently. To have an identity again. To feel like I am a part of life here and not have to fight to be a part of a conversation. To feel like I belong. I tell myself daily that I have to love on the people here as much as I can, but I also have to love on myself. No matter the exhaustion and the frustration, it will eventually get better. This language block has been going on for over a week now, and I'm so tired of not understanding anything except "how are you?" Nobody said this would be easy, but it's possible. Everyday when I go through my roller coaster of emotions every 5 minutes, I tell myself that I'm not here to float through life, I'm here to learn who I am. So I will fight to be a part of conversations. I will fight to keep a smile on my face when all I want to do is curl up in bed with chocolate and Netflix. I will fight the good fight, because God has called me here. I want nothing more than to understand the language and the people around me. I want to fit in and to fall in love with this amazing country even more than I already have. And I want to make an impact here. So even though I feel discouraged and I'm always exhausted, I know I will get the hang of it eventually.

God calls us out upon the waters, and I'm farther than I've ever been before. He is stronger than the exhaustion and discouragement. He is a healer and a lover. So I live for those moments of the bird singing, the miracles, and the understanding of a person without words. I'm so thankful for my church here, and the encouragement that they provide me with. I heard Him call, and I said, "Lord, I am coming." So I am here. And He will not fail. He is a healer.

I am not perfect, but I am trying. And that's all I can do.

The Citadelle

Liege from the top of the stairs

Arkab and I :)

American's and  Brazilian's!

The fair

Until next time,
KP

They Call This "Limbo"

When my Rotex told me about "language headaches" I never could've imagined how intense those "headaches" could get. After staying home for three days from school because I was sick, I had the worst language headaches I've ever experienced. I'd start the day out extremely motivated and thinking, "yes! I can do this! I can learn another language!" and by the end of the day I would be thinking, "I just want to sleep. Is there chocolate around? What a pretty leaf." and I'd fall into my bed as soon as I got home. I thought I had realized and surpassed the discouragement that comes from trying to rush into understanding a language, but after I forced myself to study an extra two hours after school yesterday, and didn't remember a thing I had studied, I realized how important time is. To add onto all of that, it's almost like not having a language. Speaking English is hard, speaking French is hard. Neither are easy, neither make sense. There comes a time when the "limbo" happens and there are no languages that make sense or click. I leave school exhausted and tired of trying to understand French, just to feel even more exhausted when I try to understand English. It's funny to me when I think about the way we form sentences, and the way they form sentences, and honestly neither one makes much sense at the moment. There is so much beauty in that struggle, but it is exhausting.

The other day I had my first allergy scare. Looking back now, it's rather humorous to think about! My host mom is an amazing cook, and I absolutely adore my host family. They are so helpful with so many things, and I honestly don't think I could've gotten any luckier with my first host family. One night Franca made pasta, which is a normal occurrence since my host family is Italian, and I ate it expecting everything to be alright. After a couple of bits, I realized that I couldn't feel my tongue and stopped eating. Me being me, I didn't say anything right away because I thought it might go away after I had some water, but eventually I asked Franca what it is and she told me. I nervously told them, "I think I might be allergic haha" and Vincent looked up a picture of the unknown ingredient (cashews). Yup. I was allergic! My mind said, "whale, are you ready for this little adventure, Kaitlyn?" and I started laughing at myself. I went up to my room, able to breathe just a little less than I could with my mild case of Bronchitis, and came down with my Epi Pen. I explained to Franca what had to be done, in a language I can barely understand, as I was trying to remain calm and laugh at myself - all at the same time. The whole ordeal actually ended up being a huge blessing, because while I had felt at home with my host family, this made them feel like my real family. And I realize that even though I'm only here for a year, this experience and these people will go with me through the rest of my life because of what I experience here. There's no way I can leave not changed. These people are my family, and a part of my heart will always be here because of it.

Rotary took us to see one of the military bases here and it was so cool to think about how much history is here. As we walk through Liege, meeting  people from all around the world, and building memories, I can't help but be blown away by the historic beauty of this place. Everyday is a struggle, and everyday is a beautiful adventure.