At outbound camp they warned us that the holidays and birthdays are the hardest times of your exchange (except coming and leaving) and that after Christmas things get so much better and time flies. As I experienced both my birthday and Christmas this month, I realized that what they said couldn't be more true. As my birthday got closer, all I could think about was the traditions that would be broken with my family - the hardest was not being with my grandma. The day of my birthday came along and it ended up being one of the most memorable days I've had in Belgium. Starting out with praising the Lord at my church, having 40+ people sing happy birthday in French to me, and ending with my family and friends at my host families house for hot dogs and cake (teremisue is my favorite and my host moms the best cook). I found my heart overflowing with all the blessings that were poured over me that day. I found myself comfortable.
A week later I went bowling with my friends for my birthday and in the midst of it all, I found out that my dog had to be put down. As I sat on the other side of the bowling alley talking to my dog and realizing that she didn't even remember my voice, I broke. I got hit, in an instant, with a massive wall of homesickness. One that left me sobbing in front of everyone I love and care about here. I thank the Lord that my friends were there to comfort and hug me in that moment, to carry me when I couldn't carry myself, because I wouldn't have been able to pull myself out of the homesickness I had begun to drown in without them.
That day started one of the hardest seasons of my exchange, but also the season that led to the greatest breakthrough. I found myself longing to be home, unable to enjoy what was right in front of me. I longed to be hugged by my mom, watch my dad as he worked, cook macaroni with my grandma, and go to Starbucks with my friends. I longed for the comfort that my heart had grown up with. I longed to get in my car and just drive with the music blaring. But I also realized that in all of that, there was also the beauty of the unknown. I had to fight daily to keep trying to converse with my friends and family here, to keep putting myself out there, and to not let myself fall too far. I relied on the Lords strength so completely in that time. But I also found myself walking into one of the roughest patches with the Lord in that time. I found Him silent, and it killed me. If there is anything that made that time the hardest, it would be that. I felt guilty because I couldn't hear the Lord. I felt like I had failed in the only thing that really mattered; my relationship with the Lord. I fell into temptation, went through the motions, and shut my heart down. It wasn't until I had verbally confessed everything that had been burdening my heart to my bestfriend that I felt the Lord speak again. And praise the Lord because He did speak! Boldly! Endlessly! And everything changed.
The 24th I went with my family to celebrate with my host moms side of the family. I got to experience my family in a way that I hadn't before. I was able to partake in traditions, see them in ways I'd never seen before, and spend my first Christmas with a real family. One that had accepted me though my failures and awful French. One that had taught me and walked with me through some of the hardest times of my life.
The 25th we celebrated with my host dads side of the family. I was able to (successfully) stay away and talk to everyone there. Ironically, we ate the same thing at both Christmas' but It was good. I managed to not miss anything about Texas except for my favorite Christmas dish (cheesy potato casserole). My heart was full. I had successfully survived my first Christmas away from my parents. Not only had I survived, but I had thrived (with a few glitches here and there).
I think in a way, experiencing such an amazing Christmas here made me slightly scared for what the next one will be like. One where it's just me and my little family. One where the brokenness is brutally honest. But experiencing that also gave me hope. Hope that family is true, is real. That it's not just a myth. So if there is one thing that I have learned over the past month, it's that family is true.
Today is New Year's Eve and I'll be spending it with my friends from church, dancing the night away, New Years I'll be with my host family, Rotary is going to Bruge on the 2nd, and I change to my second host family on the 4th. Where did the time go? Life's about to fly.
I pray the Lord blessed and watches each and every one of you as you go through the next month.
Until next time,
KP
Always a plesaure to read your experience. Of course you will be welcome in our family. Sad to leave Chelsea but happy to receive you ;-)
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