Acts 18:9-10 - Do Not Be Silent!

Whale... I'm not exactly sure where to begin. Over the past few days, I have seen a new face of Belgium, exchange students, and myself. I'm learning things I never would've thought possible, and finding things out about myself that I had no clue existed before. God is good and He speaks through the chaos.

 Disclosure: This blog is not meant to be offensive to anyone. It is meant to be a way to communicate with people what my exchange looks like, what I experience, and also serve as a sort of diary for myself. So, if you get offended by something I write, I'm sorry. However, I'm not going to sugar coat anything... I’m going to be completely transparent.
P.S. yes this blog does get better the farther you read.

 

Wednesday: There's a place in Liege where all the exchange students meet on Wednesdays (half days once school starts) and hang out and chill at the bars. Chelsea and I went this Wednesday and to be brutally honest, I was shocked. Yes, I went to high school and I get that people break rules and do all the stuff adults say we shouldn't do. Yes, the drugs, alcohol, and sex are happening where I'm from. But after experiencing the Carre, I understand why Europeans hate Americans... and exchange students. No, I didn't do anything. No, I didn't break the rules. No, I shouldn't feel dirty after leaving the Carre... but I did. I got home and felt broken and lost. The way that I imagine they felt when they got home... the difference was that I felt hope and peace in the midst of that brokenness. I was given purpose in that brokenness. Truth in the dirtiness. As I started to pray against the filth, brokenness, and hopelessness, I felt God whisper. He led me to Acts 18:9-10, "Don't be afraid! Speak out! Don't be SILENT! For I am with you, you will not be attacked or harmed, for many people in this city belong to me." I was ashamed that I had sat in silence as sin whirled around me, as people tried to find themselves in earthly things, and as hopelessness took over. God deserves better than that in a disciple. Would Paul have just sat by and watched? Yes, I need to live by my actions. But sometimes there's a time to speak up....

 

Thursday: Over 200 exchange students and sponsors went to Brussels to go see Parliament. I was blown away at all the history. We didn't really get to hear much about it, since there's so many of us it's next to impossible to do a tour where we learn a lot about a place, but the architecture was unlike anything in the US. It's so classy! For lunch we tried the special Meatballs and Fries that everyone says is a Belgian thing. We also got to sit in our first official, country wide, meeting. As is normal here, America was the biggest... and the loudest.

 I was so relieved, and also nervous after the Carre, about meeting exchange students. I prayed the whole way to the train station, and the majority of the way there just asking for guidance. I met over a hundred people, and connected with ten. But those ten that I met, were so refreshing to be around.

I was still shocked at the way we represented our countries, no it was not just America. Rotary's number one rule and goal is ADAPT. We were not adapting. I understand that we all had our blazers on with tons of pins on each jacket, and I believe in being proud of your country and where you represent, but it was taken too far. We did not blend in to the area around us as 300+ people marched past hundreds of tourists and Belgians and scream and shouted, "USA! USA! USA!" over. and over. and over again. It was never ending. It ranged from singing our national anthem, to saying the pledge countless times. I've never seen Americans have this much spirit in the States, so it was slightly confusing as to why it just popped up all of the sudden! However, there is also something exhilarating about a hundred people singing the national anthem and yelling, "USA! USA! USA!" afterwards... so many mixed feelings about that!

A few of my Texas friends :)

Texas in front of the Palace!

This was our view leading into the city on our way to lunch

AMERICA

And of course everybody had to join in at the last second!

This is where we marched down the street. 200 students chanting, "USA! USA! USA!"

One of the beautiful Church's we passed

The Town Square

One of the side streets of the town square

The Palace that we toured

Two new friends. :)

Franssss

My view during the meeting

Friends at lunch!

By the end of lunch, I had found a group of people that I honestly enjoyed being around. We were able to encourage each other with difficulties we were having and talk about the most random things! I met somebody who had seen me in the airport, somebody who liked the rain (not common among people here), somebody who was going to my school, and so many other interesting and awesome people! Not to mention my oldie is pretty awesome. :)

Since the first week of my exchange was spent at the Delia's house, I was socially out of whack... and of course it didn't help that I'm already awkward in the first place! But I absolutely loved getting to meet so many people who were experiencing something like I was. It's refreshing to know that I'm not alone in this adventure, and that I can find comfort around them. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, and I can't wait to see where else this takes me!

I rode back on the bus with a friend I'd made from Texas, and it was so nice to talk about sweet tea and Chipotle! The tea here is carbonated and I'm so glad they have tea, but it's not like McAlister's tea! :) The countryside reminded me a lot of Texas cuz it was mostly flat... but it was green, not brown. :P

After we got back, I saw Rene (my second host dad) and I was so happy to see a familiar face that I know and trust! My host parents came to pick me up and I didn't realize how much I had missed them until Franca started talking to me. I really have grown attached to my host family... and I don't think I could've asked for a better first family. The thing that surprised me most was that I had missed talking in French. What!? The whole trip, the exchange students had talked in English... and that was so nice cuz I could be positive that I understood what was going on! But when my host family started talking to me, I had renewed desire to talk to them and try to understand French. I was so excited when I could understand everything we talked about on the way to my third host families house for dinner! The fact that I was so happy to be with them again, gave me hope... I have an emotional connection here. Which means that if I was to leave now, I would miss Belgium. It's becoming my home and I'm falling in love with it. I love that!

We went to Franca's sisters house (my third host family) for dinner and I was so relieved to see Fiona and Vincent! I was able to talk in simple sentences and Franglish and we talked about school a lot. I think Vincent and Fiona will be in my classes, which makes me feel so much better about school! As we talked about school, it made me think a lot about my first day at Monterey... I was absolutely terrified. But after two years, I had made friends that I honestly believe will last a lifetime. I'm praying that God shows me friends here that I can trust and feel safe and loved around, and that I will fall in love with Belgium even more because of it. I'm nervous about not knowing enough of the language, but people are covering that in prayer  back in Texas so I'm not even worried about it as much as I could be. I found myself thinking about how happy I was to be around my family, and to be back to speaking French, and I knew that God had me here for a reason. It was reassurance of things unseen, hope for what is to come, and happiness in the moment. It was refreshing.

The longer we stayed at Fiona's house, the more I started to doubt myself. I was so unbelievably happy to be there during dinner and even for a bit after, but the sleep deprivation and exhaustion overcame me and I had trouble being as happy to be there. That is the closest thing to comfort that I have here, and after being pushed out of my comfort zone so much during Rotary, I really just wanted to talk to people back home and get a hug from a familiar person. I wanted to get in my car and go get sweet tea from McAlister's, and I wanted to drive on dirt roads with the windows rolled down and music blaring to clear my mind. But I can't do that now. I found myself thinking so much of what used to be that I could think of what was and is now. By doing so, I made it harder on me. We left Fiona's at 11 and I was beyond exhausted. I had done well with talking and understanding until the last 30 minutes, but I almost fell asleep on their couch when they were Skyping Livia. We went straight to bed when we got home and I was so frustrated with my phone because I couldn't get the Internet to work in my room... I was so exhausted and desperate to talk to someone familiar that I overwhelmed myself and couldn't think straight. And as always, Christ spoke through the panic and the frustration... "Make me your comfort. I am all you need..." yes, I wanted to talk to someone familiar that I loved and trusted at home, but Jesus was literally in the room with me, and I wasn't content with that. Talk about convicting. After I had come to the realization that I was finding comfort and seeking the wrong thing, I battled through so many emotions. How is it possible to have so many emotions in just a few minutes? Conviction, guilt, hopelessness, happiness, joy, reassurance, grace, overwhelming despair, frustration, and a feeling of "dang flabbit, Jesus. That's not the answer I wanted." It's funny how the answer we want isn't the one we need.... That's something I'm learning more here than ever have before... but there's also beauty in the disappointment I feel when it's not the answer I want. Nothing will shake you to your core like seeing your heart in the mess that it truly is and your human instincts shining through what you hoped was true.

Overall, I have to say that yesterday was one of my favorite days so far. It sucks being pushed out of your comfort zone and being ripped from what is familiar, but there's something so indescribably beautiful about what Christ whispers through it. He hears our prayers and bends down to listen... He is faithful.

Go be bold, fam.

Until next time,
KP