After five years of
preparation, the day has finally arrived where I fulfilled my dreams of being
an exchange student. I expected to be exhausted, run thin, and filled with
utter joy. However, I did not expect it to be so hard to leave my friends and
family. As I sat at Gate 3, everyone around me looked at me like I was crazy as
I sat there with tears streaming down my face. My heart was torn in two as I
looked at all that mattered now, and my dreams and future ahead of me. How
could I choose? How could I leave? How could it hurt this much when it’s all
I’ve ever wanted to do? Because this is what Christ has called me to do.
Because He is pushing me out of my comfort zone and calling me out upon the
waters. This is preparing me for something I am not yet aware of. So I trust
Him.
As I have grown up, I always set my mind on leaving Lubbock.
On getting out of my comfort zone. On experiencing life to its fullest extent.
But what I never realized was how hard it would be to leave someplace where so
many things were good. So, as I began
to prepare for my departure over the last month, I was overwhelmed at how hard
it was to say “see you later” to all the people that I loved more than life. I
began asking God, “Why did You call me to
this? Why are You taking me away from something so good?” After
asking that question multiple times, He said, “Because I have something great planned.” So I, in all my
faithlessness said, “are you sure, Daddy?
Are you sure you know what’s best for
me?” God taught me something remarkable this month. He taught me that all my
fears were for nothing. That His plan would prevail and He is all I need. He is all I need. He is all I need. This
life is so temporary… but whether I’m in Guadeloupe, Arkansas, New York,
Seattle, Belgium, or anywhere else, He goes before me. He stands beside me. And
He follows me. Every step of the way.
The past two years of my life have been focused on loving
people to the best of my ability but not necessarily allowing them to love me
back… I have always been afraid of letting people close enough to where they
could hurt me and have any amount of say in what I do. I’ve always been
independent in that aspect. But this month… Christ tore that chain off. I
realized that it is okay to allow people to love me back and to let them in
past what most people see. It’s okay to show raw emotion to everyone. To let everyone know that they
really do matter. And that even the
simplest smile or hug made a difference. He
says that in this world we will have pain but to take heart because He has overcome the world. Every fear. Every heartbreak.
Every let down. He has made it new.
I’m writing this 30,000 feet in the air but my heart is
still home. Through the pain of saying goodbye, Christ whispers, “I know you care. I know it hurts. I am all
you need. I am your rock. Trust me.” Over and over to my heart…. The people
that have touched my heart and molded me into the person that I am are unaware
of the brutal awakening of how much you love people when you leave them.
Everything meets up eventually, and my emotions came around full circle. The
notes, care packages, and little momentous make my heart happy beyond belief
and makes me feel like I’m taking a little, physical, piece of them with me.
But then I realize that they are with me everywhere I go, because they have
taught me things and helped me grow. Because you can’t leave unchanged after
realizing that you’re so loved. Because it’s impossible to forget what Christ
taught me through them.
This is it. This is the time to be BOLD. This is the time to love radically and fearlessly. And this
is the time to be pushed out of my comfort zone into Christ’s arms. So as my
plane begins its descent, and this journey is about to begin, I want to say “merci” to everyone who has and ever
will crossed my path. Whether in a class, church, or in passing. You’ve shaped
me into who I am today. You’ve shown me love, grace, mercy, joy, hope,
adventures, and filled me with memories to last a lifetime.
Merci
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